Post travel blues

I have major jet lag. Its currently 4:41am on Monday, and I am multi tasking between buying clothes online (“I need them for my new job!”) and stalking everyone I’ve ever met on Facebook.

I mean – it’s technically 5am which isn’t too bad.. except for the fact that I only went to bed at 1:30am and I slept all day on Sunday (and I mean ALL day – from 6am to 6pm).

It’s amazing where your mind wanders to when it’s late at night, its quiet, there is no one to text/annoy.. & you’re just left with your thoughts.

Current theme boggling my mind – the life trifecta.

I think we have touched on this subject before. It is said (I have no idea by who, so let’s say “everyone”) that in life, you can never quite achieve the life trifecta. The life trifecta consists of 3 things – work, home & love. All 3 cannot be good at the same time. There is always an issue with one.

Now, I’m pretty good at finding issues with almost everything. Once I threw a tantrum and cried about my boyfriend going to lunch before he bought me a Gatorade and at the time I thought the world would end and he was the worst person ever because I was thirsty and he clearly didn’t care about me (this was only 2 weeks ago, not when I was 5).

But I currently can’t find anything wrong. I have the trifecta (boyfriend clearly ignored my tantrum and didn’t get mad back, thank god – he might actually be deaf).

Normal people would think “yay! go me!” – but instead I just think “ah crap” and “what the heck is going to happen now”
(To be honest, a random boy who I had nothing to do with in high school & never spoke to then – and definitely haven’t since – private messaged me on Facebook the other day ranting about how I ruined his life or I was a bitch or something, which wasn’t particularly nice, but a simple “block” fixed that problem. I don’t think that’s something going wrong exactly).

Why isn’t there life insurance that is more about ensuring your personal situation rather than paying people you are related to money if you die?

I completely understand that good things happen to good people. Luck is created from within. Giving unconditionally means unlimited good things coming your way. I have Instagram, I have read all those inspirational quotes. But seriously, this over tired girl with the weirdest tan lines in the world is concerned.

But anyway.

On a total unrelated side note, here are the things that I did or discovered on my 4 week adventure that I will never forget:
* Mediterranean salsa pringles (yes, they are a thing and they are possibly the best chip I have ever eaten, and I have eaten a lot of chips in my time)
* When people tell you that you are sick and should go to the doctor, you should go, regardless of the money it costs because otherwise you will get worse and you will literally go blind for a day, and still need to pay for the doctor anyway
* The people who told me you didn’t need sunscreen in the Med & it’s impossible to burn are a pack of filthy grave robbing liars
* 23kg is definitely enough weight allowance for a 4 week summer holiday (although I’m still unsure about how I seem to be overweight when simply flying interstate for the weekend)
* Ibiza is expensive, and I’m still trying to figure out how so many northern english people can afford to be there so often (or anyone for that matter, unless you are a Mormon and do not drink, socialise or go to super clubs – in which case, why go Ibiza?)
* I do not speak to my Dad enough. (At this current time I’m not even sure if he knows I got made redundant, or that I went on holiday, or that I’m back, or that I have a new job. Oops.)
* I’m becoming reliant on my boyfriend,  his generosity, his time, & his money. Tonight I woke up & needed water and literally was annoyed that Aaron was in London and I would have to get a glass of water myself. For real. That’s bad.
* The wedges (shoes, for the males reading) available in Europe are actually nice, wearable (as in, Crocs are ugly and therefor NOT wearable), affordable, and something that Australia should definitely have, but never will because life is cruel like that
* I did not want to come back to Sydney. This is probably the most important lesson. I have no idea why. I cried at the airport when I had to come home, and did not want to come here. Maybe this is the “home” part of the trifecta a little broken. Maybe a change is needed. I’m the Queen of change though and just moved  house (which is awesome) and just got a new job (which is awesome) & yet still, I don’t want to be here.

Ack – I think I just found my problem. The flaw in my trifecta. Slightly relieved that there is one & it isn’t just going to come out & attack me in the dark one day.
Cheers to Jetlag.
Sweet dreams to all of you who can sleep x

New year, new… ?

  
Aloha!

I am in Hawaii. Just for the NYE break, then back to the grind.. & no, I’m not here on some romantic holiday with some amazing boy I met at the bus stop while we were both listening to the same playlist on Spotify – I’m here with the girls. 

Not that there haven’t been plenty of boys floating around while we have been here…. But we shall save that for another time. 

It’s that time of the year again where we all sit & reflect on what we are going to change before this time next year when we sit & do it again. I was at a seminar earlier this year & a guy I met told me to pick a theme, instead of actual achievements… Because life is about he journey, not the destination (or some rubbish like that, I was too busy stuffing my face with free ham & cheese crossaints to listen properly) 

Hawaii has helped this process of choosing my theme. Mainly because I’ve left “the real world” and I’ve spent every night shit faced dancing with pretty boys & taking naps of the beach all day between hoovering way too many iHop pancakes. 

My theme for 2016? SELFISH. 

Yes. I’m well aware that it’s an evil, nasty, dead word & no one would ever want to be called selfish. But in context it can be empowering… I hope. 

I have found I almost always do everything everyone else wants to do. All the time. It takes a huge desire for me to want something, to actually speak up and get it. I’ve always put that down to being laid back & generally not giving a fuck – but the time has flown past & I’ve helped everyone get what they want (reads: done it for them) while I’ve done nothing about my own set of goals. 

Not that I have goals but I imagine once I’m selfish I’ll come up with tonnes. 

I’m going to date more than one guy at a time. Options open & all that crap. 

I’m going to actually pass my exams this year (or I’ll start by enrolling which by itself would be an accomplishment)

I’m going to use that damn eye cream I got conned into buying for a stupid amount of money & have been saving (for what? A fucking apocolypse where only the most moisturised eyes survive?!)

I’m going to learn how to say no. 

I’m going to order my own food instead of paying to share brunch plates with friends containing everything I don’t eat. 

I’m going to be more vocal about how much of a twat my boss is (in the nicest, politically correct, possible way of course)

I’m going to not feel obliged to nvite everyone I know on my Euro 2016 adventure, to then feel obligated to make sure everyone is having fun & doing everything they want to do while they are there. I will be too busying partying & sniffing cute boys to care. 

& for now, in this very moment, I am going to lie under my beach umbrella (sun burn is for fools) and eat my packet of potato crisps with absolutely zero fucks in the world because that’s EXACTLY what I feel like doing, despite my friend whinging that she wants me to walk back to the hotel room so she can wash her hair for 4 hours. 

Mahalo! x

Ps. 

 
😂😂😂😂 boom. See you again this time next year, world! 😂😂😂😂

“People” detox

 
Hello from sunny North Queensland.. home of the Great Barrier Reef, the Daintree forest, and my dear friend Michelle.

Flight time to Cairns is 3.5 hours from Sydney. It’s ridiculously far considering we don’t even leave the east coast.. But it’s worth it. It’s beautiful, hot, tropical, moody (it literally shits down rain for 10 minutes then the sun comes out, about 10 times per day, and it’s not even wet season yet) and above all, despite the ridiculous amounts of (hot!) backpackers, it’s peaceful. 

Which is lucky I guess, because it would appear I’ve left Sydney at just the right time. 

Leading up to Vietnam I was seeing a male human who now I realise wasn’t all that fabulous. I’m not saying he is a bad person.. But… Actually, he is. Liar, self obsessed, selfish & silly for assuming he is smarter than everyone else around him. Not my type. It was whirlwind, and went from zero to a hundred way too fast, and ended just as quickly. By the time I hopped on the plane to Vietnam it was like he never existed. I was free, & he was forgotten. 

The links between us were pretty loose too. We didn’t share a social circle, we weren’t friends on Facebook, and while we followed each other on Instagram, he had always made a point of saying he never used it. In my opinion this meant it was possible for him to just disappear into thin air, within a month he would be less than a distant memory. Ultimate success in the world of moving on. Go me. 

On the first day of October I announce on Instagram (lol, “announce”, what a loser) that vodka (& all its alcohol filled cousins) are out of my life for the next 30 days. 

This “meant to be erased” human likes the photo within 3 minutes of me posting it 

We haven’t spoken in over a month, and he doesn’t use Instagram. I assume this must just be a slip up – he’s trying to zoom in & double tapped (rookie error), and has no idea how to unlike it before I see the notification. Massive error on his part. I almost feel sorry for him. 

Life continues as normal (if a normal life consists of diving on the Great Barrier Reef, lounging around in the sun, sleeping 12 hours a night & wandering through the Daintree) until I wake up on Saturday to find a weird notification on my phone. 

Liar boy has accepted my friend request. 

What friend request?! I never added him! Honestly I think my eyes were so wide open in shock for so long my eyeballs dried out & shattered into the floor. I checked my activity log, and nothing. 

The only explanation can be the request was made over 2 months ago. You know, when I actually spoke to him. 

So there I am, at 6am on holidays, checking his feed. Maybe he hasn’t logged on to Facebook in 2 months?

Yes. He had. Averaging one post a week (always shit, he’s quite boring to be fair) he would have definitely seen this phantom request before Saturday. 

Asshole. 

Today is Tuesday. Let’s just say since we became “friends” on Facebook, his social updates have increased to roughly one post per half hour. I AM NOT EVEN JOKING. He has literally flooded my feed. 

& it’s not stuff that would make you think he’s great again either. One post involved the fact that he had drunk so much at a footy party that he got arrested and spent the night in police lockup. *slow clap* – is that meant to make people think you’re cool? Seriously? He is 36 FFS. Yuck. 

Now I know you would all be sitting there thinking, “You’re 30 years old! If you don’t want to be friends or see his posts, just delete him!”

I can’t. I’ve never deleted anyone off my social that I know in real life ever. Besides, deleting him passes the message on that I noticed him on social, & that there is an issue between us. Or that I’m angry & can’t stand the sight of him. Or just negativity in general. I can’t bring myself to do it. 

So the above bothers me long enough to get up, have a shower & get ready to explore Cape Tribulation. How good are holidays? If I was at home, this would have gotten under my skin for days. I would have discussed the issue with the girls. I would have actually seen all these posts as they go live because I would always be on my phone. I would be avoiding all the places he was checking in (which are just as local to me as they are to him, minus jail) to purposely avoid him. He would be having an impact on my life. 

But not while I’m here!

So! It’s been proven. Holidays soothe the soul. I know it could be seen as running, but it could also be argued that it’s just taking a little time out to enjoy life without being bogged down by all the little annoying everyday details. 

New life plan – at least once a month (aiming for every fortnight), escape to somewhere else. Road trips, interstate travel, even NZ is achievable on a weekend. Rinse and repeat until this detox has not only flushed all the bad food & leftover alcohol out of my system, but all the nagging issues surrounding all the negative people who were in my life also. 

Good riddance, losers!

(& thanks for giving me a reason to spend the next 3-6 months on tour. Suckers.)

Goodbye wine hangovers of death!

  
The big change continues. I went out last night (not unusual) and drank too much, ended up at some raging house party hosted by someone I still don’t think I’ve met, did blow in the toilets (coke- I did not blow someone), then hooked up with someone (not in a toilet) I’ve been hooking up with more often that I should be (which to be honest, once was more often than I should have) & then I woke up with an earth shattering hangover and only JUST made it to my 4pm hair appointment. 

What the actual fuck is that behaviour?! Am I for real?! FFS.

I’ve never seen a problem with it. It’s never occurred to me that maybe partying like that at least twice a week could be bad for me. Or my life. Or that it’s absolutely terrible to be hooking up with this person and that karma is going to get me. Or that it’s slightly concerning that I can’t quite remember all of my nights out & that it’s probably a little unsafe to get that white girl wasted & wonder the streets – or the crowded backyard of someone I don’t know. Or you know, that it might be nice to actually see what Saturday & Sunday look like during the day. 

So, in light of this, after the long weekend next week, no drinking for 6 weeks. Total detox. Food, exercise, no alcohol- total boring case. I will more than likely lose all my friends & exhaust every season of every show on Netflix. I figure if I can last 6 weeks, then when Christmas party season kicks off I don’t have to be concerned that I’m a raging alcoholic because, well, hello, I’d lasted 6 weeks without. Plus my bikini would look like the string tied around a Christmas ham. 

Hilariously enough it was only during this week that Buzzfeed used a photo of mine for a feed about being a non drinker – I couldn’t believe the internet had it so wrong. 

& that guy… That has to stop. I don’t know how it started and I’m not sure how I’ll end it either considering we are such good friends… & he’s hot. But holy hell, the karma. I blame the alcohol. Technically.. I figure that once the alcohol is gone that “situation” will disappear too. At least until Christmas party season. 

Let’s see how long this lasts. 

My time away was summed up by a note written on a toilet wall in SE Asia.

  
I know. I’ve been missing a long time. I’ve been in South East Asia. Actually, I’m there right now. I’m watching the most intense red sun set over the city of Siem Reap in Cambodia as I type this very blog post. 

I’m leaving for home in 3 days. To say this trip has changed my entire life would make me sound like a total wanker. I hate people that say that shit. I’m also not backpacking around these countries – in fact the group of girls I’m travelling with don’t even share hotel rooms. I won’t even eat street food in fear of the famous squirts, despite always being within 5 metres of a clean, western, air conditioned toilet. 

But it has changed my life. I promise. From the depths of my slightly cynical, sarcastic heart. 

I’ve met people who have made me feel more loved in two days than some people have in a whole lifetime. I’ve been away from home long enough to see my life from an outsiders perspective – the people that shouldn’t be in it, the behaviour that shouldn’t be in it, and most importantly, the people and behaviour that SHOULD be in it. I’ve heard stories. I’ve shared my darkest fears, and have been made to realise they will all be ok. I’m pretty sure I’ve eaten dog, which was a low point & I intend to hug my dog (named “Chicken” believe it or not) very lovingly when I get home. 

I’ve been writing in a real notebook. Everyday. I’ll hide the book away in my storage for someone in my future to find when I’m gone.. Or for me to read in 6 months when I’m back absorbed in my normal life and I’ve forgotten everything that was supposed to change, and why. 

The reset button has been pushed.